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Fear not

Hot on the heels of Marketing Man (31 October, page 27), I am pleased to bring you the latest attempt to rescue the construction industry: a new book entitled A Recession Survival Kit for SMCs. Employees of Stewart McColl鈥檚 former architectural practice may be relieved to discover that this is not aimed exclusively at them 鈥� rather at 鈥渟mall and medium consultancies鈥�. Among the tips compiled by author Tom Taylor (co-founder of project manager Buro Four) are: 鈥淕row your own vegetables, sell firewood, clean your own windows and buy economy baked beans.鈥� Lest his plan inspires too much confidence, he signs off the introduction with a cheery: 鈥淕ood luck! You鈥檒l probably need it.鈥�

Always on duty

We鈥檝e all been there: the fire alarm goes off. It鈥檚 raining outside. You鈥檙e pretty sure it鈥檚 a false alarm, so you carry on working for a few seconds to see what happens. Only sometimes it is serious 鈥� very serious indeed. Especially if the president-elect of the Institution of Occupational Safety and Health is a customer in the cafe in which you work. Pity the poor waitress in Starbucks last week who bore the brunt of a stern ticking-off from Nattasha Freeman over the fact that her colleagues were still working, despite the ear-piercing wail coming from the fire alarm. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Freeman wasn鈥檛 too interested in the free coffee thrust at her as she stormed outside to await the all-clear.

Leave it out

Amid the bedlam, housebuilders will probably need tales like this to keep them smiling. Kent-based firm Millwood Designer Homes recently received an irate email from a new resident in one of its developments complaining about the 鈥渦nacceptable鈥� state in which the gardens had been left. Fearing the worst, the company investigated, only to find the lawn covered in, wait for it 鈥� leaves. I know the housing market has been blamed for much of the current economic pain, but the onset of autumn 鈥�?

Send any juicy industry gossip to hansom@cmpi.biz

Sinking the Titan

The government鈥檚 Titan prison scheme has been getting a bad press of late, with concerns raised about prisoner welfare in the proposed super-size institutions. But apparently, the Ministry of Justice has come up with a clever ruse to stem the negative tide. A consultant vying for work on the scheme tells me the term 鈥淭itan鈥� is out of favour, carrying as it does connotations of ferocious power. So what is taking its place? 鈥淟arge prisons.鈥� It might just catch on.

Now that鈥檚 large The more eagle-eyed among you may have spotted a rather interesting claim about the 2012 Olympic media centre in last week鈥檚 issue. Apparently, during the course of various wranglings over the future of the 拢385m project, it had grown rather dramatically to 1.3 billion ft2. This is an area the size of the whole of central London. Of course the actual proposed area is just 1.3 million ft2 鈥� a thousandth of the size. Still, a press office covering 46 square miles of London would definitely leave an unforgettable legacy.

Not quite a damp squib

What more could you ask for from Gleeds鈥� fireworks party? The event, held last week at the Saatchi Gallery in Knightsbridge, had drinks, pork noodles and an art installations featuring construction workers hanging by their feet. In fact, the only things missing were fireworks. Unless our reporters were just distracted by the art, the promised display never materialised. There were, however, several hundred sparklers, allowing guests to prove you鈥檙e never too old to spell your name out in the air.