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Christmas Schmistmas 鈥� Yes, it鈥檚 that 鈥渄eck the tree with boughs of holly鈥� time of year again, guaranteed to have most of you reaching for the bottle before you can say 鈥淏ah humbug鈥�. What the devil鈥檚 the matter with you all? Show some Christmas spirit, goddamit, and if you just can鈥檛 face it, here鈥檚 how to get through the festive season without being labelled a party-pooper 鈥�

Decorations Some people are just so keen on making the office look 鈥淐hristmassy鈥�, don鈥檛 be surprised if you arrive one morning to find even the computers swathed in multi-coloured tinsel. Just stay cool and smile sweetly. Sometimes it鈥檚 easier to say to these people 鈥淵es, OK, I鈥檒l contribute 拢1 so that you can buy a small Christmas tree for the office鈥�, to ensure the festiveness will be contained. One word of warning: steer clear of colleagues wearing bauble earrings.

Mistletoe There鈥檚 always someone who sneaks a bit of mistletoe into the office and hangs it over a main thoroughfare in order to catch people out. You can, of course, devise detours to facilitate an 鈥渦nkissed journey鈥�, but sooner or later you will be in a rush, your barriers will be down, and bingo! You鈥檒l have to land a smacker on the most aesthetically challenged colleague in the office. Shut your eyes, count to 10 and get it over with.

Secret Santa A hideous new institution that has permeated most working environments. Essentially, everyone鈥檚 name goes into a hat and you pull out the name of a colleague. This means you have to buy them a secret gift, and on a designated day everyone opens their present and merriment abounds. Or not. This can be the ideal time to wreak revenge on that colleague who showed you up mercilessly at the last company meeting, ho-ho.

Contributing to charity You鈥檝e made a mental note of how much all your Christmas presents will cost and have decided that you can spare exactly 10p. Come on, scrooge features, charity begins at home, so if you don鈥檛 want to fork out yourself, ask those who are buying you presents to consider Present Aid. This way, the money they would have spent on you goes towards buying an ox in Africa or a turkey in Tajikistan. OK, so you won鈥檛 actually get any presents, but think of the kudos 鈥� oh, and the karma.