好色先生TV

If you want to know what鈥檚 going on in architecture, like politics, then it鈥檚 the economy, stupid. When the economy is comfortable, nothing changes much. In the past 15 years we鈥檝e been stuck with complacent modernity. But nothing is forever and when the economy crashes, it takes everything with it.

Let鈥檚 look at past recessions.They usually happen every seven or eight years but the big crashes seem to be every other one 鈥� every 16 years or so. The first big one some of us remember was in 1973. This was the oil crisis, the three-day week and followed hard on the heels of 1968 鈥� the year of the barricades. This ended the post-war political consensus, exchange-rate controls and universal orthodox modernism. If we want to scare ourselves, it took four years to get out of that one. Out of the chaos came neo-vernacular, mechanical baroque (better known as high-tech) and postmodernism. Straight-up-and-down modernism would never be alone again.

The next big one was the early nineties. This ended the Thatcher/Reagan axis, the Russian empire and postmodernism. Harry Enfield鈥檚 famous plasterer gave us the 鈥渓oadsa money鈥� motto for the eighties boom. The joke at the time was, what鈥檚 the difference between porcupines and Porsches (the first has pricks on the outside). Pomo was the cynical, loadsa money architecture of the boom and the nineties recession killed it completely. By now all architects were modernists and they鈥檇 felt guilty about doing this history stuff all along. They could go back to mother and, to atone for their sins, do penance with dead-end minimalism. The history wonks didn鈥檛 disappear but were whittled down to a serious band of dyed-in-the-wool traditionalists. They found new hope with the traditional urban design revolution.

The sensible brigade are brow-knittingly serious and so, so safe. Stick on some squeaky dunster funnels and eco-bling and they鈥檙e not just right-on but righteous

So what about now? We know we鈥檙e in deep trouble? It鈥檚 bad news everywhere. But we shouldn鈥檛 worry 鈥� Gordon Brown鈥檚 saving the world. Harry Enfield鈥檚 plasterer is now a Polish plumber and the new joke is the difference between a seagull and a banker (the former can still leave a deposit on a new Ferrari). There鈥檚 not much doubt about what stands for the noughties boom 鈥� iconic oddities. It all began in 1997 when the Bilbao Guggenheim opened.This might actually be iconic but, as Gehry鈥檚 stuff is really odd, everyone thought that to be iconic was just to be big and peculiar. Now monster Hadid cream cakes, Swiss bird鈥檚 nests and wacky cgi-created twisty, spiky, blobby towers are popping up everywhere. Masterpieces of the mastic joint, these mad creations stand for all the excess and folly of the credit bubble. Even the word 鈥渋conic鈥� has lost all meaning. 好色先生TVs become iconic, they鈥檙e not made that way; but now architects are describing their own buildings as iconic 鈥� textbook hubris.

As they look over the precipice, lots of architects are crowing over the impending demise of the so-called iconic building 鈥� from traditionalists to mainstream modernists. Even the big boys that made fortunes out of peddling their global iconic credentials have seen which way the wind is blowing and are disowning the whole shooting match.

But if the Beijing Olympics and the Shard mark the end of an era, what鈥檚 next? Of course all the doomsayers think it鈥檚 their turn. The hacks who churned out naff icons by the mile don鈥檛 care anyway. When the fashion changes, they鈥檒l do whatever comes along 鈥� badly. Minimalism was the cure for pomo but proved too boring even for hair-shirt modernists. Of course I鈥檇 like to see traditional architecture take centre stage, but I would say that, wouldn鈥檛 I?

Then there are fashionable oddballs like fat鈥� are they just a cuddly version of iconic oddities, pomo redux or the lego version of caruso st john?

So, what are we left with if not more versions of Foster and Rogers 鈥� or will we finally learn that glass walls are downright irresponsible? Looking for something new, there are fashionable oddballs like FAT 鈥� are they just a cuddly version of iconic oddities, pomo redux or the Lego version of Caruso

St John? While they might be good, cheap imitations would be awful. What about the pretentiously named 鈥渃ritical regionalism鈥�? Or is this just po-faced modernism with local knobs on? Can you see the join between this and the sensible brigade who never dirtied their hands with icons? They鈥檙e brow-knittingly serious and so, so safe. Stick on some squeaky Dunster funnels and eco-bling and 鈥� lo and behold! 鈥� they鈥檙e not just right-on but righteous. These people are big in the shadows, so now perhaps they鈥檒l have their dull day in the sun. Is it me, or is this very depressing?