This week, the bet between Dennis Lenard and John Smith is on, Aukett's new boss learns the facts of British life and some advice on how to have a ball
En guard!
Those of you who have been following the tussle between Dennis "Killer Roo" Lenard, chief executive of Constructing Excellence, and 好色先生TV columnist John "Diogenes" Smith, will be glad to hear that 好色先生TV now holds in escrow two cheques for 拢100. To recap for latecomers, the bet is over whether Lenard can "substantially improve" the image of the building industry by November 2005 鈥� the winner to be decided by the editor of this magazine. Anyone interested in taking a piece of the action, laying a side bet or in learning the vig and the latest spread is welcome to contact me at the usual address.

Get used to it, Jose
Jose Luis Ripoll, el nuevo presidente del Aukett, is an amiable enough chap, but he shows a disturbing lack of familiarity with British conventions. First, he professed himself unaware of the existence of PFI 鈥� they don't have it in Spain, apparently. More seriously, he has a wildly over-optimistic sense of what can be expected of the British rail system. After arriving half an hour late for a chat with 好色先生TV thanks to a tardy Eurostar, he remarked: "I never thought a train would get delayed like that 鈥� but they do!" Welcome to Britain, se帽or.

Old traditions are the best
Laing O'Rourke boss Ray O'Rourke was in fine form on Monday at the topping out ceremony of a cancer research building at Cambridge University. O'Rourke revealed to the gathered dignitaries that the tradition of topping out dated back to pagan times when animals (or people) were sacrificed to ward off evil spirits. Cue slightly concerned looks from some of the great man's underlings.

Balls online
The Construction Industry Trust for Youth has asked me to mention a fundraising auction it has organised. The trust has been presented with a football autographed by the players of Chelsea Football Club (well, as many as can fit on one ball, anyway). For a chance of owning it, all you need do is email your name, address, telephone number and bid to: football@thecc.org.uk. The highest bid received by 5pm on Thursday 6 May will secure it. And I can assure those readers worried that such a priceless work of art could be leaving the country as a result of this auction that bidding is only open to UK residents.

Many a true word 鈥�

I hear from my sources Down Under that some journalist joker used the first day of this month to wind up the Greek organisers of the Olympics. A story ran in the Australian press that the Greeks had decided to pull out of this year鈥檚 event and the Olympics would instead move back to Sydney, aka God鈥檚 own earth. Given the recent strike by construction workers and general air of panic in Athens, I鈥檓 not sure how quickly readers would have spotted this one.

Topics