Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy 200th birthday dear Joseph Aloysius Hansom – HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Peace in our time?
Is there some prospect of a negotiated peace in the RICS' civil war? As readers of the comment pages of ºÃÉ«ÏÈÉúTV will be aware, the leadership has increased fees and is pushing for a world role for the institution. This policy is being resisted by many of the institution's QSs. In fact, a group of them, led by Roger Knowles of James R Knowles and Jeremy Hackett of Schofield Lothian, are in open revolt.

Anyway, I hear that the RICS held a gathering for Middle Eastern QSs in Dubai earlier this month. Globetrotting president Nick Brooke was there, of course, as was a more unexpected figure: none other than General Knowles himself. And it seems the two were extraordinarily chummy, given that they were supposed to be locked in a bitter power struggle. All very interesting – especially as I've just been told that the president is to attend ºÃÉ«ÏÈÉúTV's Specialist Contractor Awards ceremony at the beginning of November, as the guest of one Jeremy Hackett.

How the cookie's crumbling
Two new contenders have thrown their culinary hats into the ring for the ºÃÉ«ÏÈÉúTV Biscuit Best Practice Awards 2003, which is fast becoming the baking soda Baftas.

Frank Page of Hertfordshire developer Forebury Estates emails me with news that his contract manager, Ian Silvester, brings to meetings a "mouthwatering tarte tatin".

However, Kettering-based developer
Boughton Estates has gone one better and sent some excellent Caledonian shortbread straight to the horse's mouth (mine). One taste was enough to add them to the shortlist alongside Watkins Gray. Note to future entrants: please back your recommendations with hard evidence.

Comedy knockers
Word reaches me that there could be a replacement for the late, unlamented Tim Clarke at next year's Little Britain regatta. Rumour had it that such was the nail-my-head-on hilarity at this year's bash, all future comics would be banned.

But no: it seems that concrete guru Gunite is willing to pay one John Simmonette £1500 for three hours' work. According to the details I've seen, he is "an Oxford graduate who played rugby for Leicester and is an excellent magician … totally capable of entertaining 2000 people". One can only gawp at such polymathic skills, but we've no idea if he's funny. So John, if you're reading: please send in a cheeky gag …

The big read
Finally, my thanks to Charlotte Steedman, a marketing person at QS Robinson Low Francis. She sends me the firm's new corporate brochure, and has come up with a novel way of making sure potential clients keep hold of it. "It's big, very big," she says. "So big that there is no temptation to throw it away, as it doesn't fit in the bin." Sadly, Charlotte, empirical investigation has proved that this is less of a problem than you might think …

Ah yes, I remember it well …

Modesty ought to forbid me from mentioning it, but just in case you’d forgotten, it was my birthday last Sunday. I am now 200 years old, although I flatter myself that I look quite sprightly for my age. For those of you who weren’t around at my nativity, 1803 was quite a year. Apart from the struggle against Napoleon, and the fight against slavery, the world’s first public railway was opened between Croydon and Wandsworth. It was a great success – although I’m surprised Network Rail hasn’t got round to upgrading the track yet.

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