OK, children. This week we're going to patronise you from inside a plastic foam suit, threaten you with a firearm and dismantle your house 鈥�
Chinese takeaway
Do any of you remember that story we ran last year about the Integer pavilion in Hong Kong? Well, it was a showcase for smart green design erected by the Integer team for an exhibition of future living. Now the exhibition is over, the team has cannily recycled its building by selling it to the China Light and Power company. This august body will dismantle it and transport it to Beijing, where it will house a permanent exhibition on the theme of energy. Makes taking your empty wine bottles to the recycling bin sound a bit tame, doesn't it?

Laying on of Hands
I hear that David Hands, Nigel Griffiths' wily Whitehall spinmeister, is moving on. After six months vetting Griffiths' relations with the construction industry press, he is off to the Department for Education. A source close to Hands said that he regarded Griffiths' interview in 好色先生TV this week (pages 30-32) as his "swansong". Parting shot might be more like it 鈥�

Free kicks
Despite a wardrobe full of awards, my friends at architect Feilden Clegg Bradley are a humble lot. Witness this recent report of their footie team's latest endeavours: "Athletico FCB lounge comfortably within the first division of the Bath Pitch Invasion league with a series of highly mediocre performances, including a stunning win that was recently achieved by the opposition failing to turn up. The future looks favourable for the team nick-named the "Half-time Oranges", as there are no lower divisions to which they might be relegated." Well in, lads.

Suffer the little children
Meet Ivor Goodsite, the mascot dreamed up by the Considerate Constructors Scheme to help improve construction's image in the eyes of the young. Mr Goodsite (pictured below) has released the following statement to the press, informing them of his coming into being and explaining a little of his philosophy: "I have always enjoyed working in construction and I am proud to be representing it. I am especially looking forward to showing the younger generation that the construction industry is a great one 鈥�" Come back Bob the Builder, all is forgiven.

鈥� and finally
I can't resist passing on the following joke, as told by sources close to engineer Whitbybird: What did the inflatable headmistress say to the inflatable pupil who brought a pin into the inflatable school? Answer: "You've let me down, you've let your school down, and most of all, you've let yourself down 鈥�"

Shot in the arm

Now that David Blaine is out of his box, you probably hoped you could forget illusionists for a while. Not if you鈥檙e attending the 2003 Hills Preferred Products Awards at the Birmingham Hilton Metropole on 29 October. The invite to the event from sponsor Hills Electrical & Mechanical mentions one of its key attractions: a post-award performance by 鈥減sychological illusionist鈥� Derren Brown. The gentleman鈥檚 most recent claim to fame was playing Russian roulette live on Channel 4 television with a loaded handgun. Perhaps Brown could turn his ballistic-cum-psychological skills to the problem of late payment.

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