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Nevertheless, I do have one or two suggestions as to how we can get the most out of the Olympics, should we win them. It's possible you won't thank me for some of the ideas, but they're yours anyway – free, gratis and for nothing.

The first thing to do is to build containers for the sporting events before the opening of proceedings. Don't be seduced by the death-or-glory thrillseekers on the Greek committee: Russian roulette is not an Olympic sport. A better idea might be to fly to Beijing and take a look at China's preparations for 2008. Or, if your expense account doesn't stretch that far, have a read of our very own guide to Beijing (pages 32-55).

The Chinese authorities have started with a clean sheet, given themselves as much time as they need, hired the best designers and engineers on planet Earth and built something of world historical importance – a bit like Brasilia, only with more ambition. Of course the Chinese regime is, at the same time, building the prestige of Nation and Party, but let's be honest, isn't that what the Olympics are all about?

The problem you've got is that London's approach couldn't be more different. I know you've got a good masterplan team and it would be nice to get the Lower Lea Valley back on its feet and to make the London Borough of Newham less awful than it is, but the end result is going to be a cramped compromise between regeneration and entertainment. You'll recall the Millennium Dome, no doubt. I know the Barcelona Olympics managed to combine the two, and I know one of your advisers was Josep Acebillo, the man behind the Barcelona games, but I fear that that city's success was site-specific: for one thing, it allowed the public new access to almost nine miles of Mediterranean coastline. The Lea Valley Olympics will give them some of the bleakest landscape in the south-east of England.

No, I have a better idea: why not stage the whole show in the Thames Gateway? It would still be a combination of politics and sport, and an exercise in boosting the prestige of Nation and Party, but – and here's the thing – it has a chance of being a huge success. On the scale of Beijing. The Lower Lea Valley masterplan talks about 30,000 homes and 40,000 jobs. The new communities of the Thames Gateway envisages 200,000 homes and more than a quarter of a million jobs. The problem with the Gateway, as we've reported on a regular basis (most recently on 5 March), is that, unlike China, we have a liberal democratic government, and it's hard for organisations of that type to do development on this scale. In fact, it will take an astonishing combination of cunning, bravery and virtuoso administration to pull it off. A main stadium by Zaha Hadid and Crossrail may be just the pump-priming that it needs. It will require a bit of a U-turn, of course, but now that the prime minister has located his reverse gear, that should be feasible …