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With the country in the grip of the wettest summer since records began, where better for a pint than Manchester, Britain鈥檚 most famously rainy city? True to form, it starts pissing down just after my train passes Stoke-on-Trent, and by the time I dump my soggy umbrella on the floor of the pub, the heavens are demonstrating an effortless command of 鈥渢orrential鈥�.

The Rain Bar 鈥� where else? 鈥� is a welcome refuge. 鈥淚t used to be an umbrella factory,鈥� explains Geoff. I bet it did a roaring trade.

鈥淚t鈥檚 not always like this,鈥� apologises Ian. 鈥淚t鈥檚 been quite dry lately. We鈥檙e unfairly tarred with the rainy brush. It鈥檚 a popular misconception.鈥�

Geoff was born in the Midlands and he can鈥檛 remember the weather being any better there.

鈥淎ctually,鈥� he says, 鈥渟tatistically Manchester is dryer than Bristol and Glasgow, but more cloudy than Runcorn and Blackpool. Really, we should be known for being cloudy. When it rains here, we get showers or gentle drizzle. London gets intense rain.鈥�

There may not be any more rain in Manchester than the rest of the country, but there are clearly more amateur meteorologists.

Nuala thinks the climate is definitely getting worse. Ian, on the other hand, expresses the unfashionable belief that it鈥檚 nothing to do with human activity. 鈥淲e鈥檇 be underwater in 1,000 years anyway,鈥� he states. 鈥淭he poles would still be melting if we hadn鈥檛 been here.鈥�

鈥淣ot to this extent!鈥� argues Nuala. 鈥淲e鈥檝e never had a June like this.鈥�

Undaunted, Ian continues: 鈥淚t鈥檚 a knee-jerk reaction. It鈥檚 good to talk about saving energy 鈥� and we do a lot of work on that,鈥� he adds hastily, 鈥渂ut there鈥檚 a perception that we can stop climate change, and we can鈥檛.鈥�

Geoff thinks the growing population is a worry. 鈥淚t鈥檚 over six billion now, but I wouldn鈥檛 be surprised if it reached nine. Nobody鈥檚 suggested doing something about the humans 鈥︹��

There鈥檚 only so much carbon in the world, says Paul, and you can鈥檛 destroy matter. 鈥淪omeone once worked out that everyone鈥檚 got a bit of Shakespeare in them,鈥� he adds, randomly.

Geoff鈥檚 heard that microbes can be genetically modified to make petrol. 鈥淲ell, if there isn鈥檛 enough petrol and too many people, maybe we should put the surplus humans in a vat 鈥︹�� Ian muses, to the shock of his colleagues.

鈥淎re you sure this is Carlsberg?鈥� he asks, peering into his glass.

Talk turns to buildings on cemeteries as Paul once did a development on a plague pit. 鈥淵ou don't want to dwell on these things,鈥� says Geoff.

鈥淥nce you realise, you don鈥檛 watch reruns of Poltergeist,鈥� says Ian, darkly. Everyone shivers.