好色先生TV

The punter at the bar does indeed have some impressive facial hair but I don鈥檛 think he鈥檚 our man. Maybe I should explain. We鈥檙e in the Plumbers Arms where on the night of the 7 November 1974 that the bloodstained wife of Lord Lucan burst into the bar, crying 鈥淗elp me, help me. I鈥檝e just escaped from being murdered. He鈥檚 in the house. He鈥檚 murdered the nanny!鈥�

It鈥檚 the sort of to-do that would spice up a 好色先生TV Buys a Pint nicely but alas we instead make do with some wild speculation on the moustachioed lord鈥檚 whereabouts. South America? Africa? Canada? Well, nobody from the London Basement Company has seen him round here, and they鈥檝e been inside more Belgravia homes than most.

Robin lays the blame squarely at his wife鈥檚 door. He was, he says, in the middle of divorcing her

鈥淚鈥檝e got a map on the office wall and we鈥檙e gradually colouring it in with all of the properties we鈥檝e converted,鈥� says Mike Wiseman, the firm鈥檚 design director. 鈥淪oon it will be completely red.鈥� These are the sort of clients who, rather than move, extend downwards. It鈥檚 amazing what they can squeeze in below ground 鈥� swimming pools, saunas, cinemas even a self-contained flat for the offspring. And in the downturn, work is booming. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e generally not the sort of people who have to go out and get a mortgage,鈥� says managing director Robin.

But I鈥檓 curious: how do you get into the business of converting basements for the rich and famous? Robin lays the blame squarely at his wife鈥檚 door. He was, he says, in the middle of divorcing her. As part of the settlement he bought her a flat and when she complained it was too small he offered to create a basement; this was not surprising seeing as he was, in the trade of waterproofing basements. To cut a long story short, they cancelled the divorce but they did sell the flat for a fat profit and a business was born.

鈥榃e鈥檝e just uncovered a Victorian sewer,鈥� says Tom, 鈥榠n a property down the road. Fortunately it wasn鈥檛 in use鈥�

So does this mean they all have swanky basements in their homes? Mike鈥檚 says his wife is dead keen on one. The problem is, he lives in Berkshire, where the ground is all chalk 鈥� there鈥檚 no way you could build one, he says. I take him at his word although it didn鈥檛 stop him digging a pit in his garage so he could service his classic car. 鈥淭he problem is I struck a well,鈥� he says. This is one of the occupational hazards of digging big holes. 鈥淲e鈥檝e just uncovered a Victorian sewer,鈥� says Tom, 鈥渄own the road. Fortunately it wasn鈥檛 in use.鈥�

But I appreciate Tom鈥檚 analogy that the work is a lot like keyhole surgery. The only way to dig these basements is by hand. You then need to squeeze the materials in through a gap not much bigger than a doorway. 鈥淚t鈥檚 like building a ship in a bottle鈥�.

By our fourth round, it鈥檚 looking unlikely that the events of 35 years ago are going to be topped and so we decide to call it a night.