好色先生TV

鈥淭he Jerusalem artichoke is an underrated vegetable.鈥� Tim Machin is one of millions of people who tuned in to Grow Your Own Vegetables rather than Celebrity Big Brother last Friday.

James is persevering with Leo Sayer & Co, but admits he鈥檚 finding it a struggle. 鈥淭he celebrities this year are disappointing. I don鈥檛 think they got the ones they wanted.鈥�

鈥淵ou mean you鈥檙e actually watching it?鈥� asks Tim.

鈥淚 prefer Strictly Come Dancing,鈥� says David, quietly, so he鈥檚 heard only by James.

Tim isn鈥檛 up for talking about Jane (sic) Goody, so turns the conversation back to living off the land.

鈥淚n the future, the world will be divided into people who watch Ray Mears and those who can鈥檛 live without Sainsbury鈥檚,鈥� he says.

Peter managed to catch a programme the others missed. 鈥淚t was about houses in Norway made from panels insulated with recycled materials,鈥� he explains, Eco homes 鈥� now this is Places for People鈥檚 area. A 10 minute rant about the eco-features on developments they鈥檙e working on ensues.

But the conversation suddenly becomes too work-related for Tim. 鈥淲e鈥檙e boring gits,鈥� he declares. 鈥淓ven at home, Peter鈥檚 watching films about housing.鈥�

He lets his imagination run wild about what housing will be like when climate change really kicks in. 鈥淚 wonder if we will move to Mediterranean techniques 鈥� flat roofs and ways of storing water?鈥� he wonders. Then, seemingly out of the blue, he works his way around the table asking: 鈥淗ave you ever driven in the snow? Have you?鈥� Only he and Peter have.

鈥淚 bought a sheep-skin coat when I first started work. I haven鈥檛 worn it for 10 years,鈥� he says, to demonstrate his slightly hidden point. 鈥淥ne day the world will be divided into those who can drive in the snow and those who can鈥檛,鈥� he says.

鈥淵ou鈥檙e very apocalyptic, Tim,鈥� says David.

Concerned that this is doing little for Places for People鈥檚 image, David changes the subject to Morrissey, who wants to enter the Eurovision Song Contest.

鈥淢orrissey?鈥� ponders Peter. 鈥淚sn鈥檛 he in 鈥榤en behaving badly鈥�?鈥� No, that鈥檚 Neil Morrissey, the others inform him, though he did sing 鈥淏ob the Builder鈥�. Peter is bruised by this public demonstration of his musical ignorance. 鈥淒id you know?鈥� he asks Tim, who didn鈥檛, but 鈥渏ust kept his mouth shut鈥�.

鈥淚 like Kooks. Do you know them?鈥� asks Peter.

The youngsters correct him: 鈥淵ou mean 鈥榯he鈥� Kooks.鈥�

鈥淵ou haven鈥檛 heard of Kooks, have you?鈥� he asks Tim, who admits he hasn鈥檛. Peter may have lost the battle, but he won the war.