“‘Rubbish.’ That’s such a great English word. So much better than ‘trash’,” says Eric through a mouthful of guacamole. “Ru-bbish. Ru-bbish.”
His British accent is very dodgy and I tell him so, but I am doing no better as I attempt to imitate his Boston drawl: “No. You’re still getting it wrong. It’s Bawston,” he shouts slowly at me over the table. And I fare even worse with Olga’s California lilt and James’ born-and-bred Queens twang. “Noo Yoik,” he says – massively over-enunciating for my benefit. “Noo Yoik, Noo Yoik.”
People are starting to stare. And with good reason. For 20 minutes we have had no real conversation whatsoever but have just been repeating words in various accents over and over again, getting louder and less coherent as the tequila flows.
“This one can’t speak properly as it is,” jokes Eric tilting his head towards Olga. “They don’t learn how to on the West Coast.”
“That’s totally unfair and untrue,” Olga snaps back. “West is best.”
‘noo yoik,’ he says - massively over-enunciating for my benefit. ‘noo yoik, noo yoik’
“Whatever,” says Eric. “The New York accent isn’t much better.”
“Hey,” interjects James. “Don’t have a go at New York. Where do you both live now? I’m not the one who has moved away from my city here.”
And is it true, I wonder, what they say about the American penchant for a British accent? “Absolutely,” says James. “We love it. It’s so hot.”
“It’s because it’s different,” adds Olga. “Though I’m not sure the English like the US accent in the same way we love yours. I guess it depends on where in the States the person is from.” Apparently no one likes a Deep South accent. And on that note, talk turns to politics and the election.
We pass a billboard plastered with a poster of a naked Eva Mendes. ‘oh yeah! hello,’ shouts eric
James says that he is listed as being a Republican – but only because he wanted to annoy an old girlfriend. “I went out with a girl at college who was a Democrat and very politically active. She kept going on at me to register to vote. One day she took me to a mailbox, handed me the form and said: ‘There. Now all you have to do is sign and mail.’ I was so annoyed I signed, ticked Republican making sure she saw, and posted it before she could stop me. Just to piss her off!”
We leave the restaurant and the conversation veers onto the subject of women as the boys, out of nowhere, start an involved discussion of who is on their list of top five sexy celebrities.
“Kate Beckinsale,” says James. “Keira Knightly,” adds Eric. It seems the yanks really do love us UK women. But then we pass a billboard plastered with a poster of a naked Eva Mendes. Her hands are strategically placed – but the image leaves little to the imagination. It is casting a huge, but perfectly formed shadow over the whole street. “Oh yeah! Hello,” shouts Eric, stopping in his tracks to admire the view.
Sorry Keira. Looks like you’ve just been bumped.
Chosen venue: Dos Caminos, SoHo, New York Ambience: Al fresco Mexican in downtown Manhattan full of hip, young New Yorkers
Topics: Accents, being a Republican out of spite, sexy famous women
Drinks drunk: 16 – yes, 16 – margaritas, 2 mojitos
James Harley Project manager
Eric Smith Project manager
Olga Gorbunova Civil engineer
Emily Wright ɫTV
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