好色先生TV

You wake up gripped by a nameless terror. It鈥檚 the morning after the office Christmas party, your head鈥檚 throbbing and your stomach鈥檚 churning 鈥� and not only from the copious quantities of booze you downed the night before. You can鈥檛 remember exactly what happened but you fear it was Something Very Bad Indeed.

Relax. People have been disgracing themselves at office parties since time began. And some, such as Andy Mountain, a director at QS Franklin + Andrews, have managed to hold down respectable jobs in construction.

鈥淚 once danced on the table at an office do,鈥� Mountain admits. 鈥淚鈥檇 had a few drinks and wasn鈥檛 embarrassed at all, but people still take the mickey out of me five years later.鈥�

The secret is to remember that everyone else was in a similarly festive mood and that whatever you did, someone else has probably done worse. Architect Robert Adam spent an entire Christmas holiday worrying about his first office party at a new firm. 鈥淚 got completely plastered. I couldn鈥檛 remember anything and was very worried about what the partners thought. I worried about it all over Christmas. What I hadn鈥檛 realised was that the partners were completely pissed too 鈥� I鈥檇 been too drunk to notice that they were too drunk to notice.鈥�

Even if you did offend someone senior, a timely apology can salvage the situation, as John Connolly, associate director at McBains Cooper, discovered when he was starting out as a surveyor. 鈥淎t one Christmas party, I told the chief executive鈥檚 wife that she 鈥榮crubbed up well鈥�. I鈥檇 meant it in a nice way, but it came out differently. The chief executive wasn鈥檛 happy and neither was his wife.

鈥淭he next day, it was suggested I call her to apologise. The phone call started awkwardly, but by the end I think she was pleased I鈥檇 called. When I spoke to the chief executive later, he did reprimand me, but making that call saved me from the worst of it.鈥�

With all that goodwill flying about, you can usually get away with a bit more than you could on, say, a Monday in February. 好色先生TV columnist Tony Bingham remembers one Christmas when two people 鈥� one of whom may or may not have been him 鈥� decided to make some amusing photocopies, a classic of the office indiscretion genre. 鈥淧arty A sat on the photocopier and Party B lifted them on to it and pressed the copy button 鈥� but the glass broke,鈥� says Bingham. Thankfully, nothing was said. 鈥淓veryone accepts it鈥檚 all in Christmas fun. You could say that they turned the other cheek.鈥�

Flirting outrageously or getting carried away in the heat of the moment with a colleague may be the most common misdemeanour, but it鈥檚 the one nobody will admit to having made. Everyone, however, has a story to tell about 鈥渁n acquaintance鈥� who was caught in the office store cupboard with a close personal friend. 鈥淭hey鈥檙e all over the place,鈥� confirms a human resources manager at a major QS, who often has to deal with the aftermath of drunken parties. 鈥淵ou find them on the floor in the corridors, everywhere.鈥�

Paul Wilkinson, people director at contractor ROK, says if you and a colleague have made a public spectacle of yourselves, you can expect a quiet word from the boss: 鈥淚f the rest of your team were laughing at you, it will affect your credibility and the way you work 鈥� and that is the company鈥檚 business.鈥�

鈥淣ever apologise, never explain鈥� is an excellent motto for morning-after damage limitation. But, as we have seen, an apology has its uses. And explanations sometimes can鈥檛 be avoided, as Gareth Broadrick, senior manager at recruitment firm Hays Property and Surveying, discovered one year.

鈥淚鈥檇 only been at the company for six months when I fell asleep on the train on the way home from the office Christmas party. I was supposed to be staying at a friend鈥檚 house in Tunbridge Wells, but ended up in Dover. The last train back to London had gone, and I was kicked out of the station because it was closing. Then, it began to rain. The only place I could find shelter was one of those old red telephone boxes. I fell asleep, to be woken up at 4am by our fine constabulary.

鈥淚 caught the first train back to London and was at my desk for a few hours before anyone else arrived. I tried to carry on as though nothing had happened, even though I hadn鈥檛 washed and had lost my tie, but eventually someone pointed out I was wearing the same clothes. I had no choice but to relay the whole story. Everyone laughed 鈥� a lot.鈥�

People may be laughing at you the next day, but it鈥檚 much worse if they鈥檙e laughing at you on the night. Chris Houchin, business development director at Bovis Lend Lease, recalls his initiation as a junior site in west Wales. 鈥淚 was a bit of a know-it-all,鈥� he says. 鈥淎s soon as we got to the pub, the singing in Welsh began. I couldn鈥檛 understand a word. Then, about three songs in, everyone looked at me and started laughing. It took me a while to realise they were singing about what a pain I was. It put me in my place.鈥�

Then again, in vino veritas may not be such a bad thing. Capitalise on your colleagues鈥� inebriation to extract gossip and you鈥檒l have bargaining power when it comes to concealing your secrets. Anyone partying with Steve McGuckin, Land Securities鈥� director of projects, should beware: his strategy is to stick to soft drinks for the first couple of hours. 鈥淭hat way, you remember what everyone else said but they can鈥檛 remember what you said and you have a good time, too.鈥�

Not that he believes drunken indiscretions are always a bad thing: 鈥淎t a party when I was in my twenties, I鈥檇 had a few and told someone what I thought of them. Did I regret it in the morning? Absolutely not!鈥�