In need of some excitement in this rather dull election season? Then read about acts of political violence from the safety of your own armchair
Kingston鈥檚 mean streets
Labour candidate for Kingston and Surbiton Nick Parrott kindly invited me on a walk around his prospective constituency last weekend, when who should the touring party run into but another canvasser 鈥� the sitting Liberal Democrat MP and party housing spokesman Ed Davey. To the disappointment of the Parrott entourage, the duo failed to draw pistols and simply offered each other 鈥淕ood afternoon鈥�. 鈥淲hat the hell was that?鈥� exclaimed one of Parrott鈥檚 team. 鈥淲hat did you want me to do, challenge him to a duel?鈥� asked Parrott. Well, it would certainly liven up a dull election that has so far been shorn of John Prescott鈥檚 streetfighting antics.
Softening the blow
Talking of Prescott鈥檚 punch-up, at the Construction Products Association lunch last Tuesday ex-New Labour spin doctor Alastair Campbell reminisced about the day the news story broke. He described how he had been at the launch of the Labour manifesto before the 2001 election 鈥� 鈥渙ne of the worst days of my life鈥� 鈥� when he received a disturbing phone call.
鈥淚鈥檝e just thumped a bloke,鈥� announces Prezza.
鈥淲hat kind of bloke?鈥�
鈥淛ust a bloke.鈥�
鈥淲ere the press there?鈥�
鈥淚 think it were live on TV.鈥�
鈥淲hy did you thump him?鈥�
鈥淗e were a prat.鈥�
鈥淛ohn, if we went round thumping everyone 鈥︹��
Ouch!
I don鈥檛 want to overdo the election stuff, but this made me chuckle: housing minister Keith Hill has broken his foot. Okay, it鈥檚 not gentlemanly to find that amusing, but one local paper following Hill on a constituency tour did come up with a great line: 鈥淗ill now has a safe seat: his wheelchair!鈥�
State of the art
What on earth has happened to this poor tree? Could it be the victim of chemical warfare? And hasn鈥檛 its fate been sealed by its location next to Pfizer鈥檚 new drug research centre at Sandwich in Kent? No and no. The tree is actually a prized creation by artist David Parfitt, one of seven pieces by Parfitt commissioned by International Art Consultants to enhance Pfizer鈥檚 upmarket campus. Which begs the question, what else is he adorning the building with? Steel guinea pigs?
A three-headed bronze lab rat, perhaps?
Harsh reality TV
I hear the ambitious self-builders on Channel 4鈥檚 Grand Designs have hit the tough realities of the world of construction again. Inventor Monty Ravenscroft looked radiant last week as he told presenter Kevin McCloud that he had finally got approval for his dream, a three-bedroom house in south London. Innovations included a retractable roof. Unfortunately for poor old Monty, the day after the TV broadcast, Bob Jones at Southwark 好色先生TV Control informed me that Monty definitely did not have 好色先生TV Control approval.
I hear that an unusual work of art is gracing the offices of those trendy urban apartment developers, Urban Splash. The drawing, with its trademark blobby lines, is the work of one W. Alsop. The artwork came about when Will, gripped by enthusiasm at a project meeting in the developer鈥檚 office, jumped from his seat and started to sketch on a whiteboard. Except, the smooth white surface on which Alsop unleashed his creative vision was not a whiteboard, but a projector screen. Urban Splash decided to keep the work, and buy a new projector screen.
