We have a distinguished collection of April fools for you this week, headed by Richard Rogers, Tony Blair, John Prescott, Prince Charles and George Wimpey
An exchange of words
The cosy relationship between John Prescott and Richard Rogers is well and truly over. The halcyon days of the late 1990s, when Prescott appointed Rogers head of his urban taskforce, have turned into a series of spats in the letters page of The Guardian. In aletter two weeks ago, Rogers railed against the ODPM for its 鈥渂latant U-turn鈥� on PPS6, the planning policy statement on out-of-town development. Trouble was, Rogers had only read the newspaper鈥檚 report, which had got it wrong. Cue Prescott鈥檚 letter on Monday.
鈥淚t is a pity Richard Rogers could not ring me about his concerns, or at least take the time to read the new policy statement.鈥� Miaow!
Cruelty to journalists
Government press trips are often uninspired, but last week鈥檚 Thames Gateway event in Gravesend, Kent, took the biscuit. Hacks were invited to a large shack by the river, where they shivered for half an hour. After further delay, the river side of the shack opened up, a boat arrived and a succession of regeneration bods disembarked two by two, like the animals leaving the ark. Tony Blair and Prescott followed, surrounded, bizarrely, by schoolchildren. After listening to the Reverend Blair鈥檚 sermon, the corralled hacks were given a final insult: no questions could be asked. I suspect the next one will be attended solely by teenagers on work experience.
Mr Prescott entertains
At least Prezza can be relied on for laffs. In his opening preamble, he got misty-eyed about his days as a merchant seaman. Fifty years ago, he revealed, he had served on a ship carrying Conservative prime minister Sir Anthony Eden during the Suez crisis. 鈥淗e was under constant pressure to resign,鈥� Prezza said, before adding: 鈥渘ot making any comparisons with today, Tony.鈥�
Boom, boom
One bigwig who didn鈥檛 make it onto Blair鈥檚 ark was CABE chief executive Richard Simmons, who sent his new deputy Joanna Averley in his stead. Simmons had an appealingly simple excuse for his no-show: he was mending his daughter鈥檚 car. Better than the old 鈥渨ashing my hair鈥� chestnut, I suppose, although in the end both going to Gravesend and staying at home involved hanging out with a bunch of tools.
A letter for you
George Wimpey thinks its housing development alongside the PFI-funded Brighton library is set to be the biggest hit in Brighton. A local graffiti artist agrees 鈥� with just one tiny amendment 鈥�
Magritte would be proud
The prize for the top April fool goes to Belgian practice Art & Build. Its surreally unfeasible design for a 鈥淓uropean Observatory of Fauna and Flora in the Urban Environment鈥�, complete with insectoidal body, stilts and random windmills, received backing from politicians and was the subject of a full-page news story in Le Soir. Whoever said the Belgians were only famous for chocolates and bureaucrats?
Word has reached me of an interesting job advert. Apparently there鈥檚 a vacancy going for 鈥淭raditional Cheerful Gentleman of the Road鈥� at the Prince Charles鈥� Poundbury village in Dorset. 鈥淭he successful recruit will be a friendly, outgoing, presentable tramp with a ready smile and a kind word for everyone.鈥�
The only problem is that this heart-warming position was advertised in pages of satirical magazine Viz. But the spoof slogan 鈥淧oundbury Heritage Village 鈥� Forward to an Imaginary Past鈥� hits the nail beautifully on the head.
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